


a trip to Paris doesn't count

by ScientificName



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Loki is an idiot, M/M, author attempts to be funny, more tags will be added, tony is an idiot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2014-11-15
Packaged: 2018-02-25 10:31:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2618585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScientificName/pseuds/ScientificName
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>It took Loki 10 seconds-10 whole seconds to his embarrassment- to figure out that he had been set up for a blind date with the man in the goatee in front of him by his asshole brother.</i><br/>It took Tony 9.5 seconds-because 10 seconds is for losers- to figure out he was going to kill Natasha and Clint for setting him up on a blind date without his knowledge with an equally pissed looking guy.<br/> </p><p><a href="http://scientific-name.tumblr.com/post/102660548436/how-about-a-our-asshole-mutual-friends-set-us-up-on-a">tumblr prompt</a> : "our asshole mutual friends set us up on a blind date and didn’t tell us it was a blind date, so instead of getting to know each other we spent the entire ‘date’ scheming against them and decided an awesome way to get back at them would be to pretend to date and then have a horrendous breakup but now that we’re two months into this charade we’re not sure what’s real and what’s fake anymore” AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	a trip to Paris doesn't count

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t written a frostiron for almost a year now? Maybe a little less but I am back! And it does feel good to be back! :) I am quite happy with how this chapter turned out and I hope you like it despite it being so short!

It took Loki 10 seconds-10 whole seconds to his embarrassment- to figure out that he had been set up for a blind date with the man in the goatee in front of him by his asshole brother.

It took Tony 9.5 seconds-because 10 seconds is for losers- to figure out he was going to kill Natasha and Clint for setting him up on a blind date without his knowledge with an equally pissed looking guy.

 “So, my name is Tony-”

“I don’t care.” Loki was pissed. It was one thing to emotionally blackmail your brother into attending a dinner with him and his friends but another to find out he was set up on a blind date and his brother wouldn’t be showing up any time soon. Loki mentally supplied that he was going to smash Thor’s new iphone to smithereens as the big oaf had turned his cell off.

“Well, this was fun! I will be sure to thank Natasha and Clint for this wonderful date.” Tony sarcastically added, not particularly amused by the fact said duo wasn’t in the restaurant they called him to or by the fact neither of them was picking his calls.

“I don’t know who those people are.” Loki commented. Admittedly, he had heard those names in the passing, Thor’s friends most likely but never had the misfortune to meet them.

“Be glad you haven’t.” Tony said, as if reading Loki’s thoughts. “With those people as friends, who needs enemies?”

Loki’s lips quirked. This man in front of him seemed to be a victim like himself. But instead of offering sympathy Loki continued to be an asshole-which he was entitled to, he reminded himself. “Maybe they felt sorry for you?”

Tony did not like the tone the sentence was addressed in and sassed back, “So they set me up with some asshole who clearly needs a better look in the mirror.”

“and they set me up with a loser with a goatee who can’t come up with a better comeback than a superficial one.”

“you say I have a problem? I see why they set you up on a blind date; nobody likes dicks.” Tony retorted but after a brief thought added “unless you like dicks…considering they set you up with me, you must like dicks.”

Loki tried but failed to huff out a snort of amusement.

“Our friends seem to think this is the intervention we need.” Tony finally said, looking at Loki across the table and showing the barrage of sent text messages and a singly reply that said ‘this is for your own good, Stark.’

“My brother certainly agrees with that.” Loki hummed.

“who the fuck is your brother?” Tony asked, confused.

“Thor? The big blonde idiot?”

“ohh.him! Haven’t seen him around for a while….and here I was under the impression Nat & Clint just randomly kidnapped a British guy off the streets.”

“I am Norwegian.” Loki said, looking unimpressed by current company.

“Then what’s with the accent?” Tony asked curiously.

“I attended University in England. Oxford to be specific.”

“Well, that explains the posh accent.”

“I am not posh. I am merely articulate, which is something you seem to clearly lack or do you find cussing between each breath attractive?” Loki said, raising an eyebrow.

Tony rolled his eyes, “My point is, our friends and _family_ seem to think we are so pathetic we need to be set up on blind dates so let’s give them what they want!”

“I don’t follow…” Loki asked, confused. Not a moment ago, this Tony fellow was clearly against the idea as much as he was and now he was all aboard?

“Loki Loki Loki! That’s your name, right?” Tony started slightly patronizingly. “They want us to date and be all happy and float around with rainbows and sunsets, right? Let’s fucking give them exactly that! Let’s pretend to be single most annoying couple that ever coupled. Let them think they did good!”

“And what would be the purpose of this?” Loki questioned because surely this person had more planned than being a nauseating couple that probably spoon fed each other at public places, according to the description.

“Then we have the most horrendous breakup-” Tony dramatically exclaimed and Loki was smart enough to know where this was going and frankly, it scared him a little over how much he was already on board about it.

“-and they will never think to set us up again because they will be too afraid to after their last disaster which will be our relationship…”Loki finished. Ironically, they already were on their way to becoming the perfect couple that finished each other’s sentences.

“Not bad, right?” Tony looked like an over eager puppy. He looked around the fancy restaurant once and added. “and what do you say we blow this joint? I am craving some cheeseburgers!”

 

* * *

 

 

“You know you are not helping the stereotype that all Americans eat is burgers and fast food.” Loki commented, biting into his hamburger as he watched Tony eat his double cheese burger with double fried fries and onion rings by the side.

“Oh yea? What about you Norwegians?” Tony said, cheeks stuffed like a squirrel. “wait…what is the Norwegian stereotype? Dammit!”

Loki smirked in return.

“Never mind.” Tony shook his head wiping the grease on his expensive trousers. He lifted his coke midair and added, “to a beautiful fake relationship.”

Loki lifted his own milkshake in return and concurred, “to a horrendous breakup.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? Worth writing more chapters over? Please comment and let me know.  
> you can also find me on [tumblr](http://sumilogy.tumblr.com)


End file.
